So yea what an rollecoaster of a month september have been.. it doesnt seem to get better but we will see…
I have gone through happiness, sadness, anger, loneliness, anxiety, “greyzone” wich is when everything is bleak and cold and you cant find any joy from anything.
Its been such an emotional rollercoaster that I honestly dont know anymore what or when I feel things. Its like being bipolar while not being bipolar.. that might not make sence but thats how I am feeling.
I do realise I am like a bad joke, my life is like a messed up comedy without any comedy in it. Cause what im currently am going through I dont wish on anyone.
I felt something, well thats incorrect I feel something for someone even tho it will probably never happend, it doesnt break my heart in the fact that I feel something for this person. Im happy to feel something but my feelings well its like not gonna be more then that.
Why you ask? Well we dont live in the same country for one, and there is a pandemic happening that keeps getting worse as time goes on.
So yes I developed feelings for someone in another country, I felt something in a sence I never felt like this before. Not this strong anyway. But september well lets say have been a hard month in more ways then one.
I will have these feelings for a very long time and its not like I was looking for them they just appeared. Like a lion waiting patiently on pray.
But yea I need to get my shit together and seek help to make sence of my feelings and thoughts before they will eat me up from the inside and leave my body as a husk derived of any life left inside.