Its been a very rainy day, but i also have accepted that i will need to seek help for these feelings or rather lack of feelings i am experiencing now.
So today I have started looking into about finding a person to talk to professionally cause yea it reached the point where i am either gonna break or bounce back, butthis is just a massive mountain of mixed emotions i have been watching and withholding for probably well over 2 years thats now caused so much backend stress that it is now breaking me down.
People say “look within yourself what is it that your feeling?” Well that is maybe easier for others to realise themselfs but my inside is like a muddled mess without a real starting point so no i dont feel much at the moment, or maybe i feel to much i dont honestly know.
All i know is that the world even if the sun is shining is grey for me currently. Not like i see it grey, no i see the colors but they dont speak to me like they did before.
I always been emotional, ever since i was a kid, i was to emotional according to others. But the fact i was emotional also gave me empathy and compassion for others. Even tho i try to place my first thats very hard to do when i see others going through a rough time, cause i wanna be there for them but in a sence i guess its hypocritical of me to say that when i cant do more for them then be there for them on a distance.
But today as i stood out in the rain after work i looked up to the grey sky and the rain was falling and all i did was looking at the raindrops falling. Abit of a thought i got when i was standing in the rain:
“All the droplets reflecting the world around me look back at me and they see the whole me, but i miss the reflection cause as soon as they gone by me i have not been able to see the reflection.”