So once again the year is over and finally this year of 2020 is coming to an end with less then 24 hours to go! I am feeling a relief that i have survived this year cause francly it has been very uncertain that i would at points!
The year started in mass hysteria with the outbreak of the pandemic and since i live in Sweden they were abit lax about its fine and we can take it easy it wont get so bad.. Well they were wrong on so many levels! There is a freaking saying “now it cant become worse” well shut up and look instead its already worse then you could imagine.. Oh i am getting off tracked but yea i am one of the people who do not support the Swedish strategy and am annoyed at the fact that the goverment just let the health department with its viroligists and all decide how to handle this.
Sure the start of the year was frantic and everything just seemed to go down from there. But there was a few positive sides coming from this Pandemic and thats the fact i didnt have to go to Uni and still dont have to for the reminder of this uni life, we are staying digital and thank god for that since it helps me keep my panic under wraps.
But yea normally like last years recap i did a month to month review of how the year looked but yea this year have been fairly “locked” so i will speak about a few things that happend this year and how i been cooping with said things and that will be this years recap and then we leap into a new year with hopefully new energy and hope for mankind… (well yea looking forward to a new year with new events might be more accurate to state…)
But yes this year have been a hard one to say the least, my emotions have been running wild, my mental state have plummeted and my general thoughts and feelings towards people havent really changed.
For a few people this year have been a challenge cause you havent been able to hangout with your friends, met your grandparents and more, but for me it havent made much difference in that matter, i feel ok not meeting people everyday, sure i have a work where i meet people but that is when i am in my professional role and i need to be just that professional in my interaction between me as a teacher and them as a parent. On my sparetime i rather be alone with my games, with my sketching, with my thoughts and occassionally meet up with my best friends and hangout but not everyday or even every week!
But yes as i said earlier, this year have been straining on me for several reasons that been taxing on my own being. So where do i start…
Well i was accused this year for a number of things that now been put to rest and i am glad i wont have to deal with it anymore and probably wont in the future either. I met new people wich some have stayed and i am thankful for them and then there are some that was cutout from my life as they didnt contribute anything to make my life around them and with them easier. Last spring of 2019 i suffered from a deep depression wich i during the summer of 2019 got help with handling and learned how to keep under wraps and all was fine for the fall and winter of 2019 and spring 2020, but then august of 2020 it flared up again to a certain degree. There are periods during the fall season (August to December) were i relaps into a way of thinking. But i am happy to have people i can talk to and now with meditation it keeps my spirits up and i now can keep those thoughts away even tho they always are there in different shapes, sizes and forms.
2020 have been filled with ups and downs as stated but one of the biggest ups i have had is the fact that i gotten back to a hobby of mine that sets my mind and body at ease, namely i am back to sketching and yes i am not the worlds greatest when it comes to sketching but i done some sketches and backgrounds i am really happy about! (leaving a few down here).
I am also starting to discover new sides of me, i was content with who i was in the past few years but the past month i have been feeling like i am not happy with where i am and who i am even tho i cant be more then me in a sence. But life is about discovery i believe someone said and i am still reflecting on who i am and where i wanna be. How far have i come and how far will i go that are questions worth reflecting over and i have a friend who told me a while back. “Look at yourself, and ask the question: – Is this the person you wanna see everyday you wake up or what do you have to do to look at yourself and see someone you can be proud of everyday?” I am gonna be honest the me i see nowadays isnt someone i want to see forever, but in the sametime i am working on to get to the point where i can be someone in the mirror i wanna see everyday.
To shift focus once again in this year review and that is i gotta bring up spiritualism and the fact that i havent been talking about the fact that i am a believer in the unseen and the spiritual mediums that are around us everyday. I believe i have a guardian spirit and a angel wich both watch me and make sure i will be able to keep going. As i mentioned in a few blogposts back (will leave a link here:
I believe that was my spirit animal, as my favorite animal is the wolf, and that wolf in some believes represent:
– Journey, family, change, dedication and relentlessness.
I have been thinking what that dark forest could have meant and i am still unsure, but the future is not written in stone, every choise i make changes the road and the effects it have to those around me.
Angels have been around me since i was very little about 3 years old was the first time i was gifted a statue of an angel that still stands on a shelf, i got it from my grandma who made me love the concept of angels. So when i got older i got my grandma every year on her birthday a small angel. It was our little way of taking care of eachother.
Reguarding my wolf side well i cant remember why it blossomed up but one day i just knew that wolf was an animal i loved from the bottom of my heart, sure i dont know why but they just stuck around me. It might have sparked properly when i was 7 years old and were playing the role of the wolf in a play about little red ridinghood. But i cant say for sure.
Now this year has finally come to an end and the first thing i said to my best friend on the first hour of this new year was this:
“This year is a shitty one it started horrible and i just cant wait for it to be over.” Cause francly the end of last year was not the best and it is something i personally havent been able to let go of, it have been my mantra this year but now its soon over and next year well hopefully i dont start next year with a negative mind!
So to end this final post of 2020 i wanna say once again Thank you for reading my blog, this year broke last years blogstats out of the water, the fact i reached over 120+ followers of the blog is something i never thought would happend either, cause to be honest i didnt think i would be able to keep up the daily/semidaily blogposts for this long. But yea i enjoy blogging and yes now farewell to 2020 and hello 2021 lets break some more records!
Stay safe and take care of eachother!
I wish you all a