Hello everyone it has been awhile since i have not really have the greatest year of my life atm and im still trying to process everything that has happend this year. So today im taking the chance of writing everything that i have in my system, normally i try and filter what i write cause i dont want it to long, but today i have a feeling this might be one of the longest texts i have ever written.
So yes what has happend this year so far and why have i really not been blogging at all this year even tho i said i was gonna try get back into it, well this has been a really weird and heavy year for me and you will understand why soon.
So the start of the year of 2023 was rocky for me january i was out sick alot cause my health has deteriorate and been both up and down so was spending alot of my january sick, so not the best start of the year.
And i have been trying to get better healthwise but my imunesystem is really weak so i cant really deal with to much when i get sick. I get knocked out quite fast and that is just my life, and i just need to survive and try boost my imunesystem as good as i can but that is not always enough.
But then first week in February i am still not back to full health but im getting better and im feeling okay again, then the shit thing happend and i have to call 911 not once but twice the same day and then i spent mayority of that week at the hospital visiting the one person lieing there, praying that everything was gonna be okay.
But 6 days later at 16:40 i get the one message that noone want to get, the person you been praying and hoping was gonna recover has passed away due to the complications. Nothing could be done to save their life and then i spent the next coming hour just calling around telling everyone related to me and that has been with me watching over this person. But yea i lost the one person that have been with me my whole life and now they are just gone.
Slowly my whole world dissapeared and i felt so lost in everything and i still feel as lost as i did that day. But i am also greatful cause i was there, i got to spend the last minutes when they were alive with them.
If i didnt i would not have forgiven myself and i dont think i still have forgiven myself for this, yes im still grieving and today is just abit more heavy then other days but i also feel like this is one of the few ways i can process everything.
I know this pain will never go away but it will subside with time and become more manageble as the time process everything.
I also have decided that i will be trying to start my own business and i will see how that goes will see when i can give updates i will.
Hope you guys have had a better start of 2023 then i have.
Stay safe and i will be back another day with another post