So today have been weird, my mind and body have been moving slower then the clock moves and its like i cant go faster no matter how i try.
But today i called my GP and got a number for a professional so they will call me tomorrow. So will talk about that tomorrow probably..
But yea today the sun even tried showing its face through the grey skies but didnt really succeed. It was a nice day with no rain atleast so thats all good, but yea now its evening and my mood have tanked like properly hit rock bottom and im not okay. So today i dont know how much i will mention but yea i taken the first step in getting to feel better.
If im gonna be honest i dont know how i feel inside atm. I cant classify it as im feeling bad/sad/fine/annoyed/depressed no i cant say, but im not doing to hot thats what i know.
I dont feel liberated i feel trapped and that might be the stigma of psycological illness that is hitting me that im accepted the fact that im not okay. Soon enough i hope i will be doing better but the first steps have been taken.
But yea i cant hide the fact that im not happy anymore, more and more people have started noticing the fact that im not feeling okay and say:
“you look sad” and i cant say if thats how i feel and i just say “its the weather” tho thats not the only reason. I just dont know what im feeling inside, as i stated before my inside is a mess right now.
I just want out of this box, i wanna break free but this box is locked and the key is locked away or thrown away as it feels right now but one day that lock will break and i will be free from the box.
But yes i have started taking the first steps to get help and i hope that i will feel okay again soon.