Wednesday What am i even feeling?

So yea Wednesday the middle of the week again, the days truely do fly past like there is no tomorrow (pun intended)..

Well todays topic is quite heavy on me as this is how i feel the past few weeks well even months. I look on myself and the more the days past I know im not lonely or maybe I am but there is something missing, its not something i can put into words as its a feeling I am unsure how to describe in that sence.

But I am gonna try and explain this feeling to the best of my abilities. I just hope it will make some sence…

Outwards I try be like everyone else. Smiling most days but inside I feel like I am a puzzle that more and more pieces are dissapearing from everyday. Each of those pieces are being eaten by a black hole that hungers for my own destruction. Slowly but surely it feels like I am being eaten from inside without a reason behind it. That there is a longing for something that I dont even know what it can be but the puzzle pieces are part of what i want but since they keep dissapearing I myself am unsure if I ever known what this puzzle even contained from the beginning. I am unsure if its even a black hole or if they keep falling to the floor below out of reach…

Its a weird feeling and i dont think I ever felt like this before, in the beginning I just kinda ignored it but it keeps growing everyday and i dont know if it has something to do with my stresslevels or the fact that I have so much other things on my mind outside of uni at the moment, about myself that it is the reason why I feel like a complete mess without being able to think in an orderly manor anymore?

But yea todays lyrics are abit more on the heavy side but kinda fits (i guess?):

After you read you might wonder why this song? Well when i hear these lyrics they always resonated with me and it feels like that the lyric “You are broken on the floor
And you’re crying, crying
He has done this all before
But you’re lying, lying
To yourself, that he’ll find help
That he will change to someone else” is not talking about different people in a sence but they talk about my physical and mental selfs and that my physical self have been asking my mental self so many times why are you not trying to change, why arent you trying to find the true meaning behind how you feel? Well all I can say is that I am trying but this process is not an easy one.

“Do you need, do you need someone?
Are you scared of what’s to come?
If you leave then who will the next one be?
Will he do the same or will he let you see
That you don’t have to hurt, you don’t have to hurt anymore?
With a little time, take a look and find what you’re searching for
You are broken on the floor
And you’re crying, crying
He has done this all before
But you’re lying, lying
To yourself, that he’ll find help
That he will change to someone else
But you’re broken on the floor
Still, asking him for more”

Lyrics taken from Broken by Isak Danielson

//Dan

By Dan

Swedish, preschool teacher, learning more about life and myself every single day!