Yepp today around 4pm or so the last exam for last semester came in and, i knew from the returning note that i had failed this exam.
It was expected, it still is harsh to get it back but i already suspected as stated that i would get a failing grade. Now i just need to get my retake exam for this part.
The worst part is that even tho i was prepared to get a failing grade it leaves such a bitter taste, a taste that just leaves a sorrow feeling, the feeling like it wasnt enough and that i should have been doing better. But even tho i puke out words to describe there is nothing left to do. All i can do is keep trying and hope i pass it next retake, the issue is that if i keep failing it i will have to redo that course and for that i would have to wait 1 whole year. But that is ONLY if i keep failing it…
To describe the feeling here is a song:
The issue is i need to try get my self confidence up and start believeing in myself, sadly this is harder to do, i have the past few years been kicked down and kept standing up. But i question how many times will i have to stand up, how many times will i have to be pushed down? But now all i can do is focus on the assignments i have infront of me, and maybe slowly but surely the black clouds of selfdoubt will disperce and the sun will shine down.
The dark abyss is nothing more then a step, a step to be cleared in order to find what you are meant to do. Remember just take one step at a time and the finish line will soon be in sight, and the abyss will surely fade from your memory of when you started taking those steps. – written by me today 2019-02-11 19:32 CET (7:32pm cet)