A day of rememberence

So today i have been reflecting backwards on my life more and more, sadly i notice myself becoming a person who i dont understand. I am currently going through my memories and everything that has happend.

This year of 2018 have been a huge emotional wave back and forth, i found out i probably suffer from to many feelings conflictions. So what has this year really done to my emotional state? Well it really has been a rollercoaster between happy, sad, happy, sad, conflicted, happy, sad moments so right now i am quite zeroed. Like i do feel things but at times my mind goes into mental block and i cant feel anything how sad or happy that thing might be, and this scares me due to the fact i know i always been to emotional and now its like my own emotions protect me from feeling anything.

I wont turn into an egocentric person, that isnt me and i always look out for my friends and family more then i care about myself. But why is my current emotions blocking everything out? Is it cause i have to much on my mind that i cant handle more, or can it be that im trying to escape from feeling anything more cause i been in such a longterm negative state of mind?

Well this year have been both tragic and happy and only one and a half month left pretty much of this year of 2018.  So for now i will keep going into my memories to not forget who i am and what i stand for, I know that humans evolve constantly but if the next step in evolution is gonna lack emotions then i cant in my mind accept that.