So yea i have been battling alot with my selfesteem and confidence for pretty much all my life up until last year, i grew tired of feeling like i was worthless and looked down upon all the time. Then it hit me i dont have to prove myself to anyone except myself. Aslong as i am feeling ok in my own skin that is all that matters, i dont mean this in an egocentric way but more in the fact that i dont need to get validation from anyone else then me and i need to just do things that i like doing cause just that “i like doing it”.
So yea this bit of selfreflecting helped me realise that is why i play games for example, i like playing games and i like seeing my characters develope and that is just what i aim to do with myself i guess, develope and feel safe with my own choices cause they are my own choices and not anyone elses.
I have for the past few months been getting things for myself, i started with replacing my old chair with a new one and oboy i love my new chair it really is a huge step from my old one and i am so glad cause my back is happier then it has been for ages… hehe…
I also invested in a good webcam cause i decided if i am gonna be more confident then i need to accept that this is me and grow in my own pace, so now i use the webcam on streams wich is abit scary i admit but it also is incredibly fun cause i feel much more personal and that is a feeling i been wanting but never dared to until now try and do with my streams.
So yea personal development is underway and i have a few more ideas but for now these changes are big for me and i am happ about them cause i did them for my own sake and not anyone else. Now next few things im saving for is my own place, a new desk as my old one is way to small for two screens so next will be a nicer desk and then we will see. Now this is only the first day of the weekend so now i wonder how the sunday will be, but that i will find out tomorrow!