Normally i would say that today have not been an intresting day, well today was a day where i could start my post like that BUT i feel today i need to voice my thoughts again!
I been thinking today about different things, and i have been trying to go to the bottom of what causes me to have these thoughts so infrequently frequent..
For many years i been on and off if i want to take my degree, i been saying it to a friend on and off but i know i do want this. I really want to get my degree so i can work with something i am very passionate about. But doubting myself that is something i work to get rid of from my life everyday.
The second question that keeps coming is am i doing this for me or someone else and why does it matter what others think. How come i seek validation on my ideas from others? Why do i seek confirmation that WHAT i am doing is good? All my projects i think i deep down have tried getting validation for cause my lack of selfesteem. I also think when i dont get any i think i am not good enough or what i do isnt worth anything. But this year is different i am creating a video game cause I WANT TO, i dont seek to make it the best game in the world i make it to prove myself that i can. Same with sketching i know i am not good YET but who knows one day maybe!
Finally i keep looking back at who i was a few years back and i see i have changed, i was always afraid, alone deep down i was crying. Now well i am not alone and i will never be alone. Back then i searched for friends so much that i lost sight of the ones i had, now i have my friends and i am content with the ones i have. More people come into my life but friends that is something that will show in the long run. I dont have many friends but do i really need many? The answer is no i need the friends that is here for me and i am here for them.
I wasnt sure if i was to write a post today but i am happy i did!