So todays topic I dont know how well structured it will be, probably wont be at all cause this post I can already feel will be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. But yea lets see shall we?
Relationships are an intresting thing, I ever really been in one true relationship but that was a chaotic mess of two months, both good and bad times. Words being said and screamed from both parts. The good part of any relationships, if you have been in one or even is in one now you probably know what I am talking about the times where everything is fine and then suddenly it isnt okay anymore. Just words being spat at eachothers face with no real context…
But what happend between me and my ex is in the past, its been 7 years now and I thought I was past it but the more I start to reflect back I never was okay with how it ended but I am glad it ended cause we were not compatable with eachother and it would have come to and end sooner or later anyway. So im thankful for the experience but I realise that I was not a good person.
Now looking back I think that experience have scarred me from being prepared to enter any type of relationships based on that experience, but I also sence that it might be whats missing in my life, and how do I now? well you ever lie awake in bed at night and you cant fall asleep no matter how hard you try, but then suddenly as soon as you hug your pillow or stuffed animal that makes you relax enough to slowly but surely fall asleep?
I dont really understand the whole concept of an relationship, and thats cause I dont really have any pointers of what a real relationship is all about. Its abit weird to say but thats the true for me, all I know is that a relationship is a confunding mess of emotions, experiences and discussions to be as open to eachother as possible.
But what do I want out of an “relationship” if I end up in one? I am a simple non complicated person so in all fairness all I need is someone to be close, talk to me, share their days, happiness, problems and worries with. As stated im a really simple man I dont need much in my life to make me happy but for now I gotta get my own mental problems out of the way so that I can focus on getting happy for once.
Todays lyrics are from “Hold My Hand by the Frey:
“This is the burden that I carry
And it goes back a hundred years
But all the shit I did
I am done with it
You’ve got every right to leave
But stay with me”